Somehow, after justifying my daily addiction during Yesod, I got completely out. I’ve gone \u00a0ten days without smoking pot, until yesterday.<\/p>\n
Looking around at the financial difficulties I landed in, I made a sacrifice: my favored vices (pot and beer) until I dug my way out of the hole, and got some cash coming in.<\/p>\n
It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, and withdrawal wasn’t too bad, since I don’t smoke very much in one session anyways. 2-3 hits off a joint, 1-3 times a day, is about my max.<\/p>\n
Yesterday, I saw what I really needed it for, and how easily I had grown beyond that.<\/p>\n
Having three kids is tough. They constantly make demands on your time and attention, with no regard for where you are in the moment or what you need. It is very easy for me to accomodate this when I am stoned.<\/p>\n
The morning started out rough. Johanna was frazzled. The kids were spinning out of control. I was yelling and scolding everywhere.<\/p>\n
What is the best way to resolve this conflict?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I took one hit off a joint. Got swimsuits, coloring books, and fruit into a bag. Took the kids down the mountain to the pool. We had a great time, Johanna rested up, and I was completely present.<\/p>\n
Looking back over how I would smoke, during the 6+ months since coming to Costa Rica that I’ve been smoking daily, it was always when I was entering a period of parenting.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, it ceased being a salve to use when parenting was tough, and became my key to enter the gateway of parenting time. Since I spend rather a lot of my time parenting, I was stoned for significant portions of every day.<\/p>\n
So now, I’ve recommitted to a new regimen: I smoke when parenting is tough, and I need an escape hatch.<\/p>\n
This means I won’t be smoking every day, or every time I am with my kids, but when it is necessary to even out my emotions, calm the children down, and generally enter a better emotional space.<\/p>\n
But I’m going to stop using it as a preventative measure.<\/p>\n
Being in hod has helped me to analyze the nature of this addiction, by stepping away from it, examine where its effect are most useful, and where it is not needed.<\/p>\n
I’m feeling off balanced, being over on one side of the pillar – so I’m ready for the expansion on the Netzach correspondences. Kindly send them over when you can.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Somehow, after justifying my daily addiction during Yesod, I got completely out. I’ve gone \u00a0ten days without smoking pot, until yesterday. Looking around at the financial difficulties I landed in, I made a sacrifice: my favored vices (pot and beer) until I dug my way out of the hole, and got some cash coming in. … Continue reading “A second look at my primary addiction”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apprenticeship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=108"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalspellbook.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}