There are times in which I feel as though I am doing you a disservice.  Although I know you are receiving great benefit from all of the information, energy and rituals I send your way, I feel sometimes as though we are doing it ‘fast food’ style and trying to cram in as much as possible in the least amount of time.  Which I guess in some ways is good, considering really that there isn’t a whole lot of ‘time’ left.  Perhaps what I am saying is…. everything I’m giving you, each sephoria, in a classroom setting or face-to-face, would take AT LEAST one month each. With exercises, journalling, checkins and dedication to the path for an hour at least each day.  I have all the worksheets and daily ‘stuff’, but we neither of us can commit to that kind of time. So… we do the best we can.

I guess, all I am saying is… if I miss something, or if you don’t understand something, please say something or stop me.

;–)

 

I sent over everything I had on Sacred Geometry.

Make sure to go through everything step by step (don’t miss a step).  In it, also, you will find your first Invocation. It would be powerful if you could do it on the full moon.  Enjoy. And let me know what you think.

Open up, let it flow.

Breathe and let it in.

Relax and submit into the arms of the comforted embrace.

Chill.

It will all be okay.

It’s hell.
Hell on wheels.

Tonight. I get to go see a woman speak at the Hugo House about …. actually, I’m not sure what she is speaking about, (here: http://hugohouse.org/content/dont-ask-dont-tell oh, and it’s sold out.) but she is an unbelievable author, and quite frankly, kind of an idol.
She wrote “The Chronology of Water”
I stalked her a little on the internet and sent her a facebook friend request and low and behold – she accepted (and I had to be sedated).
Drinking a beer.
Then going to go.
Trying to not give myself a heart attack.

I started writing again… I really haven’t written anything in the last few months. I’ve been working on a book, the book about champagne and drowning that I sent you a while ago. Here is a bit of another chapter.  I’ve been working on it….. what do you think?

************

When you get high on ecstasy for the first time it is unlike anything you have ever experienced.  It is the best, greatest, most colorful, most heart opening and awe inspiring event ever.  Then, every time after that first time, you are always chasing that moment.  Begging for that peak that was as good as the first, but it is never enough.  Never far enough, just not quite there.

That is what it is like to kiss the Mistress of Death.  The first taste is ecstatic.  The first taste commands respect. But not just the attitude of respect, it commands respect at a cellular level, calling attention to the very core and essence of self.  You see, this Mistress of Death speaks to a part of you that nothing else touches. The part that is hidden and soft and vulnerable.  The mistress seduces herself past your walls and blocks and sarcasm and snark and speaks to your soul. And guess what….. Your soul responds.  It responds in a way that is almost unworldly.  Your soul desires this Mistress, like ecstasy, knows the darkness of death intimately and desires to dance and dance and dance again.

They say, and for the record, I have no idea who ‘they’ are, but will continue to refer to ‘them’ like some faceless-nameless-know-it-all-collection-of-people like God, but different.  Anyway, THEY say, one of the ways in which to reach enlightenment is to be aware of every single breath you take in.

Breath.

Air.

God.

Ecstasy.

God is a long way away from the Mistress of Death. God is a long way away when you are high on ecstasy.  God is a long way away when years upon endless years are riddled with night-terrors, insomnia, anxiety and panic attacks.  God is really not the first person you think of when you are standing behind a counter and a customer comes up to ask a simple question you are hit with a panic attack, instantly covered in sweat, shaking and looking for the nearest garbage can to puke into.   God doesn’t feel any closer when you are all alone in a small one bedroom apartment for days and days on end because of the downright fear of opening the door and being around other people.

And they say, in those moments, the moments you are panicky and desperate and  losing focus, THEY say, it is because you aren’t breathing. THEY say it is because you aren’t connected to God or the Universe

They say; The more you focus on your breath, the more you let go of everything else. Everything else which clutters up your mind and makes it race and race and race around in circles like an OCD Nascar race.

So, I gave up ecstasy. Gave up booze and men and drugs and sought ecstasy through enlightenment.

Ecstasy through Enlightenment.

Chased some ecstatic celebration and merging with God and the Universe in a natural, meditative, unassisted way.

Enlightenment.

So they say.

With Breath.

Caelan,

I can’t believe how well your launch went! WOW!  You really committed to this project and felt it all the way down to your bones. You felt it in a way like it was your own child you were carrying and birthing, just like Joanna did with Taos.  But not only did you get this amazing opportunity and learn all of these things (like shopping carts and information marketing), that serve you on a deeper level, but now you are able to serve your clients on a deeper level too. WOW!  A double bonus!

Because of the difficult choices you have made, and the positive attitude you have maintained in the face of adversity, you have been able to provide for your family in a way that you have never been able to before, and you are able to freely give your credit card to your beautiful wife and say ‘go crazy, you deserve it’, and truly mean it.  You are inspiring!

I know how hard you worked for all of this and it is really amazing to see how things have translated onto paper. As your bookkeeper, I see all of your bills not only being paid, but also having more than enough extra to sock away for your kids’ future expenses (like college, or traveling or a down payment on a house when they are ready for it).  The way you have really loved and cared and provided for your family is admirable.  I wish all my clients had the foresight that you do.

I can only hope that there are more men out there like you, you give me hope for the human race.

WAY TO GO CAELAN!!!

The Lightning Bolt path vs the Middle Pillar path

You told me at the beginning of our study that balance was one of the things in which was THE most important thing to you as we did this. You expressed that although you wanted to do this apprenticeship, you also had responsibilities as a father/husband and provider. As the person overseeing this study, I have a DUTY (and responsibility) to keep you balanced and functional.

So, I made the decision with great thought, care and meditation to go directly up the middle pillar.

We will spend as much time as you need to develop the understanding and deep appreciation for the sephora’s on the ‘branches’ of the tree (Hod, Netzach, Geborah, Chesed, Binah, Chokma). We will do it by securing tightly to the trunk and reaching out, and not necessarily walking out on the branch. Between each session of ‘reaching’ we will spend time back on the middle pillar to re-group, re-balance and gather our energies before moving forward.

I think this middle pillar path will serve you in ways you have yet to experience in your other previous Kabbalah study. It will give you a perspective in which maybe you didn’t have with the sephoria’s before, Which is also the point of an apprenticeship.

Above all in this journey, stay balanced.

It is important.
As for the ‘path’ we are taking….
The lightning bolt path is a very common way of teaching Kabbalah, and there are pro’s and con’s to do it that way. It is usually the one referred to when reading about Kabbalah or doing Kabbalah study. If I were to be in a weekly coaching setting where I could sit across from you face to face and do an apprenticeship that way, I would take the lightning bolt path.  The lightning bolt path is – like lightning.  It is strong, fiery, fierce, and only the strong survive a strike.  When traveling that path it is EASY to get off balance, burnt out, and especially get energetic overload.

Those things are not balanced.

Instead, since you are so far away and I have no way of monitoring or mediating the energy, (or doing hands-on healing if you get too off balance), AND you told me up front that being balanced and functional is #1 Priority.  I choose to take you directly up the middle pillar. By slowly stepping up the middle pillar, you will be able to maintain a high level of balance (and any imbalances will show up immediately and be able to be addressed immediately). As compared to going the lightning bolt path, you are ‘off-balance’ THE ENTIRE TIME… (which is the point of that path of study – to find and live the imbalances).

Does that help?

Re-did (re-doing) my website….

This trip up the tree is helping me gain clarity on what I am good at and focusing me more into a target… that’s good.

What do you think?

www.beginanadventure.com

(and yes, I know… wordpress… I’m getting there.)

As happy as I am in Malkuth, I think we have reached a point of stagnation. Looking not only over our correspondence over the last couple weeks – distracted with holidays, new work alliances, and the coming new year (not to mention some powerfully astrological days recently – we’ll be in a boom time until the 8th) I want to revisit our timeline, and relate some revelations during my meditation today. 

I’ve done a good amount of chakra work, through an intense study of yoga, and also in magical-related reading. I’ve had some Kundalini flareups that are peripherally related to chakras in their nature, so I’ve been sure to devote a good portion of my spiritual study to chakras over the years. 

One of the common omissions in chakra study is neglecting work on the lower chakras. Teachers often chide their students to spend more time on the lower chakras, since they are the foundation of the energy flow, and while not as ‘glamorous’ as the higher chakras, offer an abundance of rich introspection for the student. Many people get into their later years with only a passing understanding of the lower chakras, with most of the energy and interest focused higher. 

I have never been at risk for this omission. Most of my chakra study has been in the lower chakras, and I feel that I have a disconnect from my own higher chakras due to my diligent focus on the lower half. See, when I have those energy bursts that cause me to go into a seizure, they shoot energy from my lower chakras up my spine. 

This phenomenon started when I experimented with an advanced yogic breathing exercise, breathing deeply, envisioning energy flowing in through my crown and out through my root chakra, into the earth; as I exhaled, the energy would reverse flow, coming up from the earth, and branching out of my crown into the sky. Once an adequate channel of energy flow had been developed, I would focus on my root, clenching my sphincter while visualizing the red chakra wheel spinning. Breathing in, I would draw in energy from my crown chakra down, and it would not flow through my first chakra into the earth; it percolated in my root, and built. 

Now I understand that I was awakening the Kundalini at the base of my spine. My first seizure happened after a yoga class, where I spent an hour and a half working my body and breathing hard; after the class ended, I sat in meditation, and felt the energy shock from my spine up to my skull overtake me. It was pure, ecstatic bliss, and I am grateful to have had the experience. 

Like most people who have a kundalini awakening, mine lasted for a few years, and the seizures have tapered off recently. Other than coming close to having one once in Costa Rica, after being in proximity to a faith healing, I have not had one since moving; at least seven months. Actually, I think the second-to-last seizure I had was the one you witnessed. 

I am going through these recollections to juxtapose the familiarity I feel with the lower half of the Chakras to the unfamiliarity I feel with the lower triad of the Tree of Life. 

Since this is where we will be venturing next, I am going to record some of my connections (and disconnections) with this area of the tree. 

Regarding the different sephirah, I have a good understanding of Kether (full on ecstatic chakra energy pipes in your spine will do that to you), and after my philosophical studies of Plotinus in St Johns College, I have a good (sacred-geometry-ish) understanding of Chokmah and Binah. I relate to them primarily through the ideas of duality, and observing (and understanding) that duality, 2 and 3. 

Over the last year or two, I have become very comfortable with Chesed. It is the sephiric energy I invoke the most, now that I am a provider for a large family. The Jupiter / Santa energy that provides abundantly for all has been very comforting to me. 

During my P90X phases, I became well acquainted with the energy of Geburah. I have a strong understanding of the energies within this sphere; being a strong male, who had occasion to throw himself into extreme fitness, was my time of greatest connection to it. 

Tiphereth…oh, what a beautiful place. I count my meditations in strong heart energy as some of the most fulfilling and transcendent of my life. 

And then below that…we get to this lower triad, that I belatedly realize I don’t have strong connections to. I mean, I know what they all are, and what they house, and embody…and I know I manifest plenty of it (especially from Hod), but I feel that when I develop my connections to these sephirah, I will finally understand how to wield these energies properly. 

Right now, I feel like the aged chakra student without a good connection to the second chakra…and at that point, you are bereft of the youthful vigor of a strong libido to indulge in the energy that has been missed. 

I don’t want to skip over these important energies, and find myself too late to indulge in their study later in life. So I am looking forward eagerly to the entry into Imagination, Intellect, and Emotion. 

Here, in the Kingdom, I have noticed a progressive stagnation of energies. This could be compounded by the ‘any day’ now stage of my wife’s pregnancy, as well as the mold growing in my home. I need to sage stick my whole house, and scrub the walls with bleach again. 

Just by cleaning the one spare bedroom, and smudging it today, I feel a release from the stagnation that has been holding my finances, my business, and my emotions in a mire. I know this is one of the risks of the earthly realms, so I’m alerting you to the fact that it’s happening strongly for me right now. 

If you have any other Malkuth-related exercises or activities, let’s go through them quickly, so we can move into imagining.

Don’t fret. Go make more.

This has become my paradigm. My guiding principle. The rudder of my ship.

I have left behind the mindset that worries about splicing a limited pool of resources into more expenses than it can cover.

That was the way I used to work. I honor that I went through that time, and I acknowledge that I have moved beyond that mindset in order to work on higher-level problems.

Regarding money and abundance, I allow into my life more resources than I need to meet all of my obligations.

I allow myself to live free of fear, and to confidently know that all of my financial needs are met.

I am entering the most lucrative stage of my life thus far. I have a scalable business, doing work that I love, and is in high demand in my current vicinity.

My skills are rare, and I can demand high prices for them.

I have outsourced those tasks that make me feel scarce, and my money will take care of itself.

So long as I focus on what I do best (writing, selling, and ideating) then I will continue to remain in the state of flow.

My position is not to worry about where money is coming from. I KNOW where money is coming from: I am the source of all wealth.

I am rich with creative ideas.

My mind abounds with new, original, inspired thoughts.

What I have to offer is unique, and the world desires it.

My value is beyond reckoning.

What the world needs and desires, I am ready to produce and to give.

What the world needs and desires, I recognize and fulfill.

The bounty of my mind is without hindrance or limit.

Nothing can stand in the way of my inspired creativeness.

The overflowing power of God life energy overcomes every obstacle, and pours out into the world, blessing and prospering everyone and everything through me.

I radiate blessings.

I radiate creativity.

I radiate prosperity.

I radiate loving service.

I radiate joy, beauty, peace, wisdom, and power.

Humanity seeks me and reqards me.

I am beloved of the world. I am wanted wherever I go. I am appreciated.

Through my vision the world is blessed.

Through my clear thinking and steadfast purpose, wonderful new values come into expression.

My vision is as the vision of the mighty ones.

My faith is as the faith of the undefeatable.

My power to accomplish is unlimited.

I, in my uttermost God source, I am all wealth, all power, all productivity. I hereby declare my financial freedom, now and henceforth forever.