Month: December 2010

There was a lot going on tonight.

 

Considering everything that is happening cosmologically this evening, I am surprised I didn’t have the night planned out.  But tomorrow, the day of the actual solstice, I am taking a trip to Eagle Creek for a sweat lodge.  Tonight, the full moon and lunar eclipse, I could not find any magical event or happening that was scheduled elsewhere, and didn’t have the wherewithal to plan anything myself.

 

So I was taken by surprise this evening when I felt a calling a good half hour before the eclipse was to start.  I entered my sanctum in a near trance, unwashed and unprepared, with just enough time to go through my protective rituals before it started.

Someone is doing something very clever.

The Shamballah community has been given homework; every sunrise and sunset, we meditate for seven minutes on the golden pyramid, floating above our heads.  This image creates a beacon for someone to reach out and use to access the powers of all the initiates who participate.

I felt this happening, and rather than try to amplify my energetic output into my visualization (a bad habit which is my custom reaction) I decided to observe.

What I felt was the components of an advanced working.  My pyramid, and those of several other initiates (dozens? thousands? a few? who knows) were taken to put into a round amulet.  I felt Saturn, and the color black.  It did not seem to be the device for use in the culmination of the working, but rather a protective measure for something to come later.

I allowed myself to be used as raw material, for I was a brick in someone else’s wall, and to integrate my will or wishes with my small part to play would have either ejected me from the working or disturbed it too much to allow it to continue.  Either way, I was more interested in participating on the level I had access to.

There were definite amplifications of force, and while I don’t recall too much about the process, and I couldn’t sense too much, I could also tell when I was done.  My energies, accessed through the golden pyramid I have been visualizing day and night, were put to good use and I was not needed further.  The entire time was probably twenty minutes.

I went out of my office in a daze, had some brief interactions with my family, most of which centered around the movement of moderate sums of money.  We had roughly outlined these movements over the past day or week, but they were agitated by the movement, as I was not.  I took the opportunity, and the cash, into my office to cement the feeling.

I had the epiphany earlier this week that I once pined for love endlessly, obsessing over my lack of intimacy with all of my being.  It was only when I made the conscious decision to let this go that I found my life mate, and our romance has been a fairy tale ever since.

For the last few years I have had a comparable obsession with lack of money.  By consciously deciding to let this go, as well, to no longer let the lack consume my every thought, emotion, and decision, I feel I will similarly catapult myself to a different state of being.

This was confirmed when I returned to my office to meditate, cash in hand, and added it to my supply of money saved for a trip to the tropics.  I adored this money, felt gratitude for it, and will be letting it go when I exchange it for colones and give it to my bride for christmas.  I set the open box on my altar, and looked at the fat stack of bills through the candle flame, and I was urged to move through the flame spiritually.

I merged with the flame, became one with the light.  It is during such a state that impurities are burned away, and I fascinated my inner gaze upon that separate part of myself, my lack, which could now finally be recognized as other than me.

I went through the fire, emerging on the other side purer, without the gnawing anxiety of monetary lack clutching at my brain and soul.  I was free.

I examined my new state curiously, happily, refreshed.  I reached down to the stack of bills, some of which were large, other small, and new, relaxedly, that the stack I picked up was only large bills.  Sure enough, I had three hundred dollars in five bills, with a five dollar bill left in the box atop the rest of my new money.  The knowledge that what I was grabbing was somehow important, because it solidified that I could relax into abundance as a state, and didn’t need to second guess it or fear for its lack.

It simply is there.

So this solstice, this lunar eclipse, I have let go of one of my greatest blocks over the last six years.  My fear of money, as useful as it was to me for that time, is no longer necessary.  And I bid it farewell, goodbye.

I have a very busy mind.

This is an advantage for many aspects of my life; being an idea generator keeps me from ever becoming bored, and I have gained a truly astounding number of skills due to my ability to learn.

However, while reading a book titled Leaving the Body, about Astral Projection, I came across an innocent passage that threw my entire worldview into disarray.

You are more than your ability to process thoughts.  You are also a center of energy.

Of course, the light bulb labeled ‘Eureka’ said inside my head.  My status as an energy nexus is possibly more important to my livelihood, my enjoyment of life, and my abilities as a magician, than is my ability to think many variegated things.

I enjoy thinking.  It is one of the things I am best at.  However, it also interfered with very necessary aspects of my being that do not need to employ thought.

This morning, as I sat down to meditate (which I grudgingly force myself to do for under five minutes each day) I had a series of thoughts come into my mind, unbidden, as usual.  My favored technique has been to observe the thoughts as they come into my mind, and allow them to slide away as I return to neutrality.

I cannot keep this up for very long, because I begin to grow restless.  My need for accomplishment and experiment drives me to move on to a ritual, an affirmation, a place to direct my formidable will.

But what I am neglecting is my formidable energy.  I am a powerful being, and so long as I continue to ignore the needs of my energy body, I am going to continue thwarting it.

Yesterday I did not meditate in the morning, or spend any time at my rituals at all.  The effect was apparent throughout the day.  Calming my thoughts was so difficult as to become impossible; this is easy enough to focus into productive work on a work day, but on a Sunday, I had no outlet for these rampaging musings.  At the end of the evening, I sat with my glass of wine and a book, and read recreationally for the first time in ages.  While perusing Leaving the Body, I tried some of the breathing exercises that yogis have used to achieve OBE (Out of Body Experiences).   But I could not devote my attention fully to this experience without simultaneously continuing to read.

My mind is my hungry ghost.  It is insatiable.  Continually wanting to consume more new information, it is relentless in its need to find new material to interact with, consider, digest, and assimilate.  If alone, I cannot even eat without reading.

Since my Kundalini awakening, I have had energy rampaging through my body.  Instead of developing myself as an energetic being, I have dedicated myself wholly to the mind, neglecting the very explosiveness that I could use to focus to my purposes.

What, then, should I do?  I fear I cannot entirely leave the pleasures of the mind, especially while my career and livelihood involve working on the computer and on the internet.  But I can reserve sections of my week to build myself as an energetic being, and work on those exercises that would help me to grow in this area.

 

First, then, a compilation of exercises is in order.  My mind will be satisfied first before I can move into the simplest, purest answer; only after I have exhausted every angle of speculation will my eager mind let a subject rest, so that I may contemplate it in neutrality.